Beck can't stand that I love these jokes! These are the "Airplane" type jokes. Here is my favorite ('cause this blog featured ET a few posts ago):
What does E.T. stand for?
Because he aint got a chair.
hahahahahahahahah
Worst joke in the world ever!!!1!!1!!!1 challange
Monday, January 24, 2005
Googling yourself
First, before you think it, I'll say it. I'm not obsessed with Google. I just love the damn site. What's better then Google?
Anyway, have you ever Googled yourself just to see what comes up? Don't lie... I know you have.
Tip: Put quotation marks around your name like this "patrick kaine" this is a little trick to tell search engines that you want only results that contain patrick and kaine in that order right next to each other.
So, here is an article about Patrick Kaine, but it aint me, Jack.
I wonder if he is as funny, handsom, and has low self esteem like moi? hahahahah
NIE Online
Anyway, have you ever Googled yourself just to see what comes up? Don't lie... I know you have.
Tip: Put quotation marks around your name like this "patrick kaine" this is a little trick to tell search engines that you want only results that contain patrick and kaine in that order right next to each other.
So, here is an article about Patrick Kaine, but it aint me, Jack.
I wonder if he is as funny, handsom, and has low self esteem like moi? hahahahah
NIE Online
Sunday, January 23, 2005
What's next, crop circles?
This is a window in the barn across the way... from time to time the sun hits the window just right and we wonder if it's E.T. coming for us.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Getting To Know You...
Hello and welcome to the next edition of getting to
know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed
to do...
Change all of the answers so that they apply to you.
Then, send this to all your friends and include the
person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will
learn a lot of little known facts that may or may not
have come up in every day conversation. It is fun and
easy.
1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Shayne Patrick Kaine
2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Patrick, SPK
3. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU MOVED? A minimum of 13 times (really)
4. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? Newark NJ, then Australia
5. IF YOU WERE AN ANIMAL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? A bear. Fat, cuddly, yet smart and respected.
6. WHAT IS THE FIRST CONCERT YOU EVER WENT TO? I can't remember, maybe Chicago?
7. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU WENT? Maybe 17
8. WOULD YOU RATHER WATER SKI OR SNOW SKI? Drink beer. I guess water
9. DOG OR CAT? Dog, cat's are too much like women... hard to please. You could be home for 3 weeks straight and go out to the mail box and your dog would act like he hasn’t' seen you for a month when you come back in.
10. WOULD YOU RATHER RIDE A MOTORCYCLE OR A HORSE? Motorcycle
11. WHAT MAGAZINE(S) DO YOU SUBSCRIBE TO? Reader's Digest, Consumer Reports, Entrepreneur
12. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST TODAY? 2 eggs over easy and 4 turkey sausage patties and a strong cup of java.
13. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF JUSTFOR FUN? GPS for my car that works with my Treo 600!
14. FAVORITE SEASON? Spring
15. COFFEE OR TEA? Coffee
16. DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB? So far....
7. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD ITBE? NASCAR driver.
18. DO YOU HAVE ANY KIDS? 1.5 (Beck has another one in the oven)
19. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? 2000 Honda Accord
20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOTBALL TEAM? Eagles
21. FAVORITE DRINK? Bombay Sapphire and tonic
22. ONE THING THAT YOU HAVE NEVER DONE, BUT WOULD LIKE TO DO? Go to every race car track in the season.
23. HOTDOG OR HAMBURGER? (cheese) Hamburger
24. ARE YOU A GOOD COOK? On the grill
25. DO YOU MAKE YOUR BED EVERY DAY? No shot.
26.HAVE YOU EVER THROWN A PARTY THAT GOT SO LOUD THE COPS CAME? No
27. WHAT TIME DO YOU GENERALLY GO TO BED ON A WEEKNIGHT? 11:00 (after an hour asleep on the couch)
28. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY? Christmas
29. DO YOU PREFER BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Blondes
30. WHO MAKES YOU LAUGH THE MOST? I laugh at myself all day long, then Becky
31. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST KISS? ??? Becky Walters on my front porch.
32. DO YOU READ THE NEWSPAPER ON A DAILY BASIS? MSNBC.com if that counts
33. HOW OFTEN DO YOU TALK TO YOUR MOTHER ? When ever she calls me! Just kidding, average once a week.
34. WHO HAVE YOU BEEN FRIENDS WITH THE LONGEST? Jim & Deb Mitchell
35. FAVORITE TV SHOW? CSI (Vegas), Apprentice
36. DO YOU COLOR YOUR HAIR? No, a lot of gray hair is coming in... so that may change!
37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? I'm writing this email, so I am currently not... ok Trump's new book from Mom, Fatherhood by Tim Russert, and the IRS Circular E 2005 (for work)
know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed
to do...
Change all of the answers so that they apply to you.
Then, send this to all your friends and include the
person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will
learn a lot of little known facts that may or may not
have come up in every day conversation. It is fun and
easy.
1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Shayne Patrick Kaine
2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Patrick, SPK
3. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU MOVED? A minimum of 13 times (really)
4. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? Newark NJ, then Australia
5. IF YOU WERE AN ANIMAL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? A bear. Fat, cuddly, yet smart and respected.
6. WHAT IS THE FIRST CONCERT YOU EVER WENT TO? I can't remember, maybe Chicago?
7. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU WENT? Maybe 17
8. WOULD YOU RATHER WATER SKI OR SNOW SKI? Drink beer. I guess water
9. DOG OR CAT? Dog, cat's are too much like women... hard to please. You could be home for 3 weeks straight and go out to the mail box and your dog would act like he hasn’t' seen you for a month when you come back in.
10. WOULD YOU RATHER RIDE A MOTORCYCLE OR A HORSE? Motorcycle
11. WHAT MAGAZINE(S) DO YOU SUBSCRIBE TO? Reader's Digest, Consumer Reports, Entrepreneur
12. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST TODAY? 2 eggs over easy and 4 turkey sausage patties and a strong cup of java.
13. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF JUSTFOR FUN? GPS for my car that works with my Treo 600!
14. FAVORITE SEASON? Spring
15. COFFEE OR TEA? Coffee
16. DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB? So far....
7. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD ITBE? NASCAR driver.
18. DO YOU HAVE ANY KIDS? 1.5 (Beck has another one in the oven)
19. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? 2000 Honda Accord
20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOTBALL TEAM? Eagles
21. FAVORITE DRINK? Bombay Sapphire and tonic
22. ONE THING THAT YOU HAVE NEVER DONE, BUT WOULD LIKE TO DO? Go to every race car track in the season.
23. HOTDOG OR HAMBURGER? (cheese) Hamburger
24. ARE YOU A GOOD COOK? On the grill
25. DO YOU MAKE YOUR BED EVERY DAY? No shot.
26.HAVE YOU EVER THROWN A PARTY THAT GOT SO LOUD THE COPS CAME? No
27. WHAT TIME DO YOU GENERALLY GO TO BED ON A WEEKNIGHT? 11:00 (after an hour asleep on the couch)
28. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY? Christmas
29. DO YOU PREFER BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Blondes
30. WHO MAKES YOU LAUGH THE MOST? I laugh at myself all day long, then Becky
31. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST KISS? ??? Becky Walters on my front porch.
32. DO YOU READ THE NEWSPAPER ON A DAILY BASIS? MSNBC.com if that counts
33. HOW OFTEN DO YOU TALK TO YOUR MOTHER ? When ever she calls me! Just kidding, average once a week.
34. WHO HAVE YOU BEEN FRIENDS WITH THE LONGEST? Jim & Deb Mitchell
35. FAVORITE TV SHOW? CSI (Vegas), Apprentice
36. DO YOU COLOR YOUR HAIR? No, a lot of gray hair is coming in... so that may change!
37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? I'm writing this email, so I am currently not... ok Trump's new book from Mom, Fatherhood by Tim Russert, and the IRS Circular E 2005 (for work)
Monday, January 3, 2005
Report: Big boost for blogs in 2004 | CNET News.com
If you are reading this Blog, you are not alone. Congratulations.
Report: Big boost for blogs in 2004 | CNET News.com
Report: Big boost for blogs in 2004 | CNET News.com
Sunday, January 2, 2005
Googlewhacking?
I have been introduced to a new term this evening, ladies and gentlemen: Googlewhacking.
Hmmm, you ask, "Isn't this a family blog?" Easy, killer... this is a term used to define an instance when two words are entered into Google's search engine, and one single solitare result returns.
It's MUCH HARDER then you would think to actually achieve this. Give it a try when you have a month to spare. Thanks to googlewhacking.com (yes, this is a real site) I found this term: Google Search: gigabit infatuations
The best part about gigabit infatuations is that someone paid to be in their sponsored links section!
This is a Google world we live in, isn't it? 60 minuntes did an article on the recently gone public Google. Their next venture has something to do with a cell phone with a UPC reader so you can bar-scan your favorite items at the Giant Supermarket and Google will tell you if Wegman's has it for cheaper.
What's next?
Hmmm, you ask, "Isn't this a family blog?" Easy, killer... this is a term used to define an instance when two words are entered into Google's search engine, and one single solitare result returns.
It's MUCH HARDER then you would think to actually achieve this. Give it a try when you have a month to spare. Thanks to googlewhacking.com (yes, this is a real site) I found this term: Google Search: gigabit infatuations
The best part about gigabit infatuations is that someone paid to be in their sponsored links section!
This is a Google world we live in, isn't it? 60 minuntes did an article on the recently gone public Google. Their next venture has something to do with a cell phone with a UPC reader so you can bar-scan your favorite items at the Giant Supermarket and Google will tell you if Wegman's has it for cheaper.
What's next?
Saturday, January 1, 2005
Ladybug, ladybug!
We had a suprise visit from Mrs. Ladybug a few nights ago. Paige was completely taken with her! There was just one thing she didn't like - when the ladybug crawled between her fingers! It was so much fun to watch her! All pictures here.
Order in the court!
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
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