Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
March Madness!!! Division II Barton vs. Winona St.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
From a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
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Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
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Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
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Q: Did he kill you?
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Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
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Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
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Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
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Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Burglars Steal 220-Pound Gold Bar
http://www.wtopnews.com/index.php?nid=456&sid=1092174
They deserved to get it stolen!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Signs, signs, everywhere are signs
Posted for shutterday.com contest. Did you know that Thurston's Lobster Pound was featured in the movie Cider House Rules? It's located in Bernard, ME on Mt Desert Island. More pics of Thurston's here.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Monday, March 5, 2007
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Analemma
Explanation: If you took a picture of the Sun at the same time each day, would it remain in the same position? The answer is no, and the shape traced out by the Sun over the course of a year is called an analemma. The Sun's apparent shift is caused by the Earth's motion around the Sun when combined with the tilt of the Earth's rotation axis. The Sun will appear at its highest point of the analemma during summer and at its lowest during winter. Analemmas created from different Earth latitudes would appear at least slightly different, as well as analemmas created at a different time each day. The analemma pictured to the left was built up by Sun photographs taken from 1998 August through 1999 August from Ukraine. The foreground picture from the same location was taken during the early evening in 1999 July.
HOW TO ARGUE EFFECTIVELY
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture.
People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead:
- "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say:
- "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."
Memorize this list:
- Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-à-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speak
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."
Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say,"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say:
- "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-à-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D." Only a fool would challenge that statement.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
- You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples to oranges.
What are your parameters?
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
| You say: | As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873... |
| Your opponent says: | Lincoln died in 1865. |
| You say: | You're begging the question. |
| | |
| You say: | Liberians, like most Asians... |
| Your opponent says: | Liberia is in Africa. |
| You say: | You're being defensive. |
via
Saturday, March 3, 2007
I really didn't expect this honor
In case you didn't check back, my submission to the shutterday.com contest "First" tied for second place overall! Whoot!Go on over and vote for this week's contest: Jump!
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Reindeer Treats
Paige tossing some magic Reindeer food into the driveway on Christmas eve.
Posted for Shutterday: "Put That Camera Down."
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Autumn and the Plot Against Me
Ever wonder where the photographs are taken that adorn your Windows Desktop?Vanity Fair writer Nick Tosches goes a long way to find out. It's a really good and quick read.
Know how he finally gets his answer? By emailing Bill Gates himself.